I was going through a somewhat difficult season at the beginning of 2012. I had been feeling extremely alone and had wonderful friends and family reach out to me, but my heart was cold. I was confused, hurt, and angry at God. But I couldn’t hate Him, I just wanted to know if He understood the hardship I was walking through. Please read this encounter I had bellow. Some people think that just because I see into heaven and have face to face encounters, I do not struggle. May you remember that the Prophets/Seers need Him very much! We will always need Jesus! May this encourage you!
I was alone one cold evening, pondering about my life and all that is to happen and has happened. The snow drifted over my shoes while I sat alone on a swing set. I had been going through some very hard warfare the past few months. I felt my strength fleeing from me. I whispered to God as I waited for Him to speak. I didn’t quite have the tears anymore; I used them all up. I just wanted to have the strength to make it through one more day.
I waited…no answer. I waited longer…I couldn’t hear God’s voice.
I sighed and felt invisible. “Jesus I need your help. I just don’t feel like I can do this anymore. It’s so hard right now. I am trying my best to remain faithful to you; I don’t know why I feel so alone.”
That was my last attempt to wait for Him; I didn’t know if He would come. I thought I try again tomorrow. Suddenly a peculiar man approached me.
He was dressed in a white t-shirt and had regular blue jeans on; nothing stood out about him. His green eyes smiled, “May I sit here?” He tucked his silver hair behind his ear to prepare for my answer.
I shrugged my shoulder, “Sure. My name is Micah.”
The man smiled, “I am Samuel. I know who you are and I know you very well. I watch you swing here often.” He cleared his throat and paused for a moment to sit down. He sat up straight; crossed his left leg and scratched his nose. He took a deep breath and stared right at me.
I broke the silence, “Its cold out here.” I didn’t want my new friend, who I assumed was an angel, to think I was not in the mood to talk. “Aren’t you cold?”
He looked at His arms, “Nope, I am not cold. I don’t get cold, but the world is cold is it not?” He looked at me, “The world is always cold, but Jesus is the warm light of the sun. That sunlight is in you, my friend.” He said as he rubbed my shoulders trying to warm me.
Samual just kept looking at me, and I looked away. I could feel compassion coming from him; he genuinely cared for me, but I just couldn’t talk to him.
Samuel asked, “Micah what is it you want the Lord to do for you?”
I burst out in anger, “I don’t want to feel alone anymore. I am tired of feeling like I don’t fit it.” I hit the angel’s leg, “I see you and hear you, but I don’t feel like I am on the right planet. I feel so weak and forgotten by Jesus.”
The angel placed His arm around me and caught my tears. In a gentle tone, he said, “Micah need I remind you, you asked for a heart that would entirely be His. You asked for His world and that His fire would be your bread and His blood your water to drink. You are angry with Him for the gift He has given you. You cannot be of this world and be living in His.” The angel lifted my sorrowed head and spoke to me, “You are not alone Micah. You have family and friends whom God has created to see you. When you feel the cold world around you, go and sit in the sunlight of God who lives in those he has placed in your life. God is light.
“But sir, I don’t feel the warmth.” I placed my hands in his, “My hands are cold.”
The angel began to warm them, ” You believe they do not know you feel or have needs. Micah, Jesus is everything you need, and in placing your hands in His, your needs will be met. That doesn’t mean you will not have a community; it means that in seeking Him, you will find that community because Jesus is always with His people.”
The angel placed my hands on my heart and disappeared; then I heard Jesus say, “Micah, I heard you. Now get up and walk forward!”
I stood up, as the setting sun’s rays touched my face. I felt His love once again and I knew I could make it through this season. I wanted to thank the angel for his encouragement, but he did not return.
Perhaps I won’t see Him anymore…I do not know.
Jesus, I love you!